"Please don't be having sex at the back of the van!"

Having collected our RV, Kim’s biggest concern that having watched the sex ed show on channel 4 and that “all parents have sex at least 3 times a week even really old ones!!” that there might be festival of fornication on our rubberised mattress in the confines of our very large tin box in 40⁰ heat. Having had some caravan experiences as a hormonally laden teenager (those stories still make me laugh!) I know the difficulties of such a situation and despite my reassurance that the American built suspension system would easily cope, unfortunately Tina reassured Kim that there would be “none of that kind of stuff going on” for the rest of the holiday!!  Oh well that’s that little detail sorted out then!!

Kim’s concern however pales in insignificance as the rest of us worry that despite almost and hour of induction on the O’Donnell RV wagon Angela and John are unable to switch the engine on!! OMG do we a new van, do we need a mechanic to replace the ignition no John “we just need to turn the key properly!” I am sure there will be other gems to follow from the very loveable O’Donnells.

So after a mega shop in a mega supermarket we head out into the desert. My god it’s HOT! With the AC full blast it’s still like a tandoor in here!!The landscape is impressive though, vast plains and craggy arid mountains for miles and miles. Eventually our friendly American sat-nav voice brings us to Zion. (that sounds a little religious!). Unfortunately is pitch black and for various reasons, which I am not going to admit, to we miss our camp spot but we do end up in a fantastically organised RV park. BBQ on at 10pm - dinner and bed.

GRB

The Eiffel Tower is outside my Window

 Feels like I’m on some mind altering drug!! The clock says 9pm my brain tells me 5am, its 41⁰C, this is the desert, I’m in a hotel room with a bathroom as big as a hotel room and a shower cubicle bigger  than most bathrooms and the Eiffel Tower is outside my window!!

Las Vegas is mad – it’s like some crazy American super concentrate of fakery but all done in a way that even if you don’t like it you can’t help but be impressed by it.

I am surrounded by a zillion lights, a million slot machines, mad buildings which when your inside, but for the iced-chilled air, you feel like you might be outside, and when you get outside, enveloped in hot sugary air, there are erupting volcanoes and 500 foot fountains, it’s like being part of some giant weird reality show.

The people are the best though,  it’s 6:30 in the morning and walking from the hotel shop with some new toothpaste I come across an octogenarian woman in the lift complete with designer jeans, sparkly baseball cap, two “f**k off” diamond, sapphire and ruby rings zimmering into the casino with her husband on electric wheels on tow, nocturnal crowds of whooping young guys rolling dice, hypnotised  slot machine addicts feeding their machines, all sustained with food and drink by over enhanced waitresses in various states of undress!! And then there’s me with two tubes of toothpaste and my new sandals worried that somehow just walking past, I will be sucked into a vortex of debauchery and sin!!  

No such luck!

GRB

The Teenage View of Day 12 of America!

Today, believe it or not, could have been the most enjoyable day of the holiday! Most days, in New York mainly, have consisted of walking, looking, walking, some more looking, eating then sleeping. However today was a lot more laid back which made it more pleasant.
The day started off with a luxurious lie-in! Which is teenage heaven, especially if: you have a room to yourself, a double bed, a TV with endless channels and an iPhone with internet capabilities. Waking up to freshly toasted bagels with cream cheese topped it off!However, my surprising good mood, along with everybody’s, soon evaporated as we started to interact! Within 30 odd minutes after lunch, we were called to have one of those “positive” family conversations about next year’s holiday. We were told we had to “engage” and come up with some productive suggestions. It wasn’t very successful, with Carla and I not having much to say, and Kim producing nothing but verbal dihorreah. Anyway, we all seemed to forget about it and, as a family, we decided to go to the bicycle hire.
Usually weather in Cape Cod is 30-35°C with a high percentage of humidity, this wouldn’t be good for a cycle so we were lucky that the weather was overcast and the temperature was mild. The cycle wasn’t tiring and was mostly flat... which also made it more tolerable. We cycled for 20km or thereabouts, which I thought was quite impressive considering I thought our American outings would consist of sitting in fast food restaurants or diners pigging out on the greasiest and fattiest foods anyone has ever set eyes upon. Cycling turned out to be good fun, and we stopped off for ice-cream where I had my first proper taste of root-beer, which was brilliant.
We came back and lazed around the hotel for a bit, and set out for “Wendy’s”, the old fashioned burger fast food outlet. Carla and I had been looking forward to going to Wendy’s since New York, so we were psyched... and it duly delivered the best hamburger of the holiday. After this, we drove off to a drive in cinema, only to find the films showing were abysmal, so we had to go next door to an indoor cinema to see the new movie “Julie & Julia”. This is where the most bizarre thing happened. Bear in mind, Julie & Julia is a light hearted film but certainly not a comedy, however at every possible opportunity the whole audience seemed to laugh at the most unfunny things. Every line Meryl Streep seemed to say, or every look she did was met with hysterics by the Americans. I found myself chuckling to myself at the utter stupidity and fakeness of their unaccounted for laughing! Despite this distraction, I managed to enjoy the film thoroughly.
I’m not totally sure why I enjoyed this day so much more than the others, it was certainly better than the gay village or the statue of liberty day! It was more of a non-touristy American day, no sightseeing or anything like that. A look at American life - Cape Cod style, not the exuberance and energy of New York, but a down to earth view of America. It was the first day I think we all properly enjoyed together!

Cape Cod day 3...

Ok i do not know what to title this but anyway.

Yesterday I had barbeque spare ribs at lunch it was delicious!!! Somehow I had a dream about spare ribs land it was really weird but anyway.

So today was average and very very hot (humid as dad would say, he always corrects us when we say hot) , we all went to this place to have a boat ride round Hyannis port and saw some HUGE houses blah blah, the worst thing was it was so hot and we were wearing summer clothes (I was the only one wearing white), and it started to rain nonstop, I got see-through for the second time this holiday. It was just great!

We had lunch at some spanky's restaurant I mean what kind of name is spanky? The chips were average, chicken tasting non-free range YUK! I love little chickens they deserve better. I also had pink lemonade which after a while tasted of nothing. The water tasted like chlorine i didn't have much of it, i guess spanky is a wee bit quite bad. Kim had found icarly on the TV so I am enjoying the hotel a lot. There is a swimming pool(inside and out), and 4 tennis courts. It has a lovely huge beach which is surprisingly crowded after the tide has risen. We are pretty much watching the TV all the time mostly family guy. Kim and I are sometimes in our room watching icarly and SpongeBob and fairly odd parents. Mum keeps dissing icarly and poking me. L. Well I am pleased about everything else though. We have a TV each plus a bigger one in the living room. The kitchen has more space than I thought. We also have a bathroom for each bedroom. Kiran gets a big king sized bed and so does mum and dad Kim and I get a single bed each. I kind of miss home but we'll be back soon and I like it here in America so i don't want it to go TTTOOOOO fast. This is the second time i have gone somewhere without my teddy!!!! First was Gartmore. It's not bad at all. Anyways i am looking forward to watching more TV, lying in my bed more, eating some yummy food more, and doing fun stuff more.

I got quite some clothes, 2 T-shirts, skinny jeans, jumper, black slim jeans, and a pair of converse shoes. I also got same I <3 NY T-shirts from New York. I have had a good time here. :P xo

USA by Kimmm.

Well so far, America's been quite great. Apart from the few problems about the journey to New York, (having to change flights, me and Carla's aeroplane television screens not working, and major traffic jams) we just survived. To be honest, the food in New York wasn't that great, and did not have as many fat people as I thought there would be, though the scenery was great and I have been taking many pictures. The streets were mobbed and the weather was hot so I was not very happy being hot and sticky with people standing in my way. We met a few amazing people through our journey, including Bruce who helped us transfer our flights, and Crazy Lou who informed us about bus tours and I tell you he was crazy. We were dragged around tourist attractions, though I agreed in the end they were all worth it except the MoMA – Museum of Modern Art – because the actual museum was nowhere as near as good as the shop with fun toys and inventions, whereas the museum only had paintings, some were just a red paint splat on a piece of A4 paper.

New England has been really hot, which has got us all tanned (except for dad who is still white). Again, the scenery is great. The drive to New England was extremely long and so we had nothing to do except sleep. We got an upgrade in the Ocean Resort because our Grand Corner Suite was occupied and so we are staying in a villa right next to a beach. All of us have just been sitting in watching iCarly (hip hip horay), Family Guy and Spongebob Squarepants on the television, so as you can imagine mum and dad are not amused with it and have been trying to get us out of the villa.

Anyways, I miss everyone and I'll be hoping to see you soon.

Day 1 -5

New York so far!

We have been here for 5 days and no blog entry! The big difference between travels here and India for us (apart from the obvious ones) is that that is a distinct lack of time. We start early, breakfast at our hotel restaurant "tick tock diner" at 8am as coming later means the bagels run out and they are the nicest items of our limited choice from our pre booked rip off "continental" breakfast. Then we head out on our various planned excursions in military fashion! We get back to the hotel about 5pm knackered and with sore feed from the days pounding of the amazing sites of this city. Often this is followed by fights over the computer with the losers (the adults)crashing out and falling asleep, then we realise we need to organise dinner but are too tired to go out to dinner so we get a carryout or eat at a local fast food place. The choice just around our hotel is unbelievable! Then the TV goes on with the very typical kid's choices of comedy programmes interspersed with masses of adverts (most of which are either advertising products on how to have a perfect look/life or fast food!).

So that's our excuse of not blogging!

The above intro make it sound not a very exciting holiday but believe you me this is a great, vibrant and exciting city. I am aware there is so much i want to show the kids and also other places i haven't visited before and am determined to do so even if it means having to endure the moaning!

Day 1 we arrived late due to the afore mentioned BA deal. Day 2 was a complete downpour so we got into a big queue to get into the American museum of Natural History. There was sooo much to see that for some of us (kids) it was overkill. The highlights were definitely the dinosaur gallery and the oceanarium with a life size model of a blue whale hanging from the ceiling. We then walked along Columbus Avenue past the weekly Sunday market and into Harrys Burito restaurant for lunch- which was great. Day 3 we payed for a 48 hour Grayline bus tour pass and started to get the city overview. Stopped off to do some shopping along Broadway near Little Italy. Had a not very impressive lunch and then more sightseeing downtown. Day 4 sightseeing uptown and more shopping. The night bus tour of Manhattan was impressive. Wished Kiran good luck for his Standard Grade results before bed-they got emailed to us between 8-9am Wednesday UK time, which is 3-4am Wednesday USA time! He got up at 4am to read them; seven 1's and a 2 in English (which he was very disappointed in!) Naturally we were very proud of him. Day 5 we splashed out on breakfast for Kiran-stacked blueberry pancakes with bacon with a ton of maple syrup also some French toast, bacon and maple syrup in addition to the usual choice of muffins, bagels, Danish pastry and toast. Next onto the fabulous Moma with a great collection of art and a very entertaining shop. Lunch at the cheap but very tasty and recommendable "Pam Real Thai Food", followed by a discounted Broadway show of the "39 Steps". We weren't aware that this was a parody of the famous Hitchcock film and initially cringed at the very unfunny jokes and the inappropriate audience laugher, thankfully once we got into the swing of it we all enjoyed it and were very amused, especially at the silly Scottish accents and mickey take of the Scots!

LONG LIVE BRUCE! LONG LIVE BRITISH AIRWAYS!

So this is our Hero Bruce!

Uneventful trip to Gatwick, good night's sleep in hotel, up, shout at Kiran (and Carla) for carrying large black grumpy cloud around. Kim escapes this round of verbal abuse as she prances round the room with her new white beret laughing about a wet fart!

Usual, dull, pre holiday boyle antics until we reach the bag drop queue and Bruce comes up to us tells us the flight is full and offers us £260 each compensation if we change to a Heathrow flight 3 hours later and in a short moment of monetary greed father and son bond to blast any prevailing clouds away! The only obstacle to this fiscal nirvana is the time obsessed Tina who points out that this does mean we lose 3 hours of holiday!!?? How could that brain of hers bring that thought to the verbal level and in a very rare moment of Boyle male dominance her doubts are calmed, the deal is done and we are off to Heathrow like 5 little kids giggling and arguing about how to spend our spoils!

THEN! At terminal 5 Kiran spots one of our fellow camera club anoraks who is part of our flights cabin crew. OK I have to be honest here that it takes a big effort to suppress my totally greedy thoughts of UPRGADE UTOPIA!! A flat bed with angora blanket, unlimited champagne, proper crockery, and perchance a hand or foot massage. BUT! It was not to be, despite our pals best intentions and efforts. Some complimentary champagne and other goodies did make for a good flight!

Here comes New York.