Bangkok Drug Bust

"You have got to be F******G joking" catch phrase returns as my concerned looking teenage daughter Kim hands me these sachets telling me that she found them in our Bangkok Hotel bathroom! Phone the police - flush it down the bog, snort a line?!!!! 

"Kiddin on!" she smirks - turns out snorting "Fairy - non bio" would not be such a good idea - seems that our Thai Hotelier shares Kim's wicked sense of humour by packing some washing detergent in very suspicious packaging!

Keeping calm!

Visiting Bangkok requires the patience of a Buddhist, which as you all know I absolutely don't have! As a result I have decided to embrace the chaos to fully appreciate and absorb the wonderful sights, sounds and smells this fabulous place has to offer.

So far this has stood me in good stead, through the relentless bartering at Patpong market, including the constant pester power of touts asking if we would like to see a "Ping Pong show"!!! The girls ask me what this is  : o ............

I even stay calm at the awful traffic and the insistence of the tuk tuk drivers that we take detours to visit various tailors, jewellers and tourist shops so they can get paid in petrol vouchers- we feel sorry for our driver with horrendous rheumatoid arthritis and his synovitic joints. I don't even get irate when a car hits our taxi (against my door!), resulting in us having to wait for nearly an hour for the police to sort it all out.

But the relentless heat and humidity is causing me to get fractious and insanity hovers when i have to wander around the Grand Palace wearing my only (wooly) jumper to cover my shoulders. Oh how i dream of weather back in my beloved Glasgow! Thai people don't know what they are missing!

Tina

"Daddy, daddy I need the toilet!"

After standing in the inevitable Heathrow queues with the usual commotion of families off on their summer travels I had to laugh when Kiran commented on how much of a pain travelling with kids must be. 

It doesn't seem that long ago when standing in a very similar queues with 1000 people in front and  behind I would hear the stress inducing sentence "Daddy, daddy I need the toilet!" or  worse "Daddy, daddy I done a poo!"  or experiencing the reflex cupping of hands trying to catch a volley of vomit from one of my offspring and only managing a finger sieve of partially digested breakfast! The thought "You have got to be F****G joking" coming out of my mouth before it could be suppressed,  raising Schadenfreude smiles amongst my fellow travellers that I now relish as a spectator.

Today we have the distinct pleasure of travelling with a 20 year old who can smile with us and whose honed student drinking habits managed to sniff out a free vodka cocktail promotion in duty free. An apt celebration to travelling with your kids!

The Eve of Oz

So after several of years of planning and saving we are on the eve of our mega Oz trip. 

Dinner conversation tonight was not about where we were going on what will we be doing it was "OK who is going to get shouted at first?". The voting was tight but "The queen of the last word" Carla is the odds on favourite! Followed closely by who is going to be the most annoying and the less said about the winner of that the better!!!!

Having been amazingly pre-organised by Tina -  We have had the luxury of spending the last hour or so reading over our previous blog entries and apart from being impressed by my own literary prowess (NOT!) we have had such a laugh from the kids entries. I am so pleased that Tina and I forced them to write something - a few memories caught in words by their younger selves, their personalities shining through in a way that could never have been captured by any camera or video - priceless. 

I am not really looking forward to fighting with them again to put some thoughts down about this trip but I know the fight will be totally worth it!!!

Please note that in my brain the new blog title picture is how I picture the trip - 4WD and fighting the desert elements. I will be carrying this picture in my mind the whole way to offset the reality of Winnebago's, Campsites and of course the odd 5* hotel.

As always we will be really pleased if anyone can take the time to leave a wee comment or two - they really enrich what will become a precious memory!

First stop Bangkok!

India never fails to amuse you.

Almost 100% of the things you see here are most probably illegal in Britain.  I mean, would the government ever allow 3 men to hang off the back of a little tin car? Or allow you to blare your customised car horn every second? The driving is absolute chaos! Our driver, Ravi, almost crashed countless times because some idiots were driving on the wrong side of the road. I can’t even add up the incidents that resulted in me clenching my fists and shutting my eyes tight. Indians drive like those 3 years olds who do nothing but play video games carelessly.

However, the wildlife and plants here are fantastic. The plants were so intriguing: we saw banana trees, mango trees, coconut trees, a pineapple plant, pea plants, chili plants, cocoa beans, coffee pods and millions of tea bushes. Walking through the spice shops was insane; the aroma of cinnamon, cardamom and different teas always flooded your senses. Every spice imaginable are in the shops, and to think that they were local produce was even more amazing. India is one of few places where you’ll turn round to find a monkey preening itself at your hotel doorway, or where you’ll look out your hotel window and witness an elephant tearing up palm leaves for a snack. We’ve met cows, massive spiders, water snakes, butterflies and turtles.  Despite these amazing, exotic animals, the one thing we all despised were the annoying mosquitos.  Having to swat them away every moment was definitely off-putting, and the result of getting bitten was awful with the ever-lasting irritation, especially with the hot sun beating down on you.

On the other hand, you feel like royalty here. In the small villages, you will get toddlers waving to you, wanting to shake your hand. The adults smile and say hi, and they sometimes want to take pictures of you. It’s crazy; people in Milngavie will most likely greet tourists with a dirty glare. You also commonly get served the best food you will ever taste. Throughout our journey, we ate genius creations with random things, like cabbage, infused with fresh coconut and varied spices. We also tried a sweet, red banana, which is only found in Kerala. Our breakfasts consisted of masses of local fruits and homemade yogurts, accompanied by fresh orange, pineapple and watermelon juices and even coconut water.

Today is our last day here, and I will definitely miss the chaos. I don’t think any place can beat the natural, sometime slightly dysfunctional, sights and atmosphere in India.

Kim

Not so bloody magic!!!

03:00 awake - bloody frozen!!

07:00 no hot water - cold shower!!

07:05 on the spot jogging to try and warm up!!

07:05:02 wife points out at that me putting at least a pair of pants on would be of value (to both of us!!)

08:00 breakfast choice - vegetable vomit soup or rubber toast!!

09:00 intestines start to brew!!

10:00 - 15:00 Indian site seeing at its best! I know there are about a trillion people in this place but how dare they be at the same place at the same time in their own country as me!!

the q for the bus

10:00 - 15:00 intestinal indignation builds!!

16:00 body attempts to re-enact shuttle lift-off on the lavvy!!

16:45 long socks, thermals, jumper and bed!!!

20:00 waft of dinner! Bluegh!!

20:05 asleep!!

it reads "as close to heaven as it gets"! not today

"no highs without the lows!!"

Kerala Bound

After a long flight wedged next to a circumferentially challenged gentleman with armpits wafting a violent essence jolting my senses to the joys of the land of sun, spice and sweat we arrive in Kerala. The first laugh is that our driver had to be called “Ravi” the irony of which will not be lost on some of our buddies who are all too aware of my Indian alter ego!!

Having mostly experienced travel in the north of India rumours that the south would be a great deal less frenetic appear to be true.  There is still the same noise and stares (Kim put some clothes on!) and plastic waste at every turn but I am pleasantly surprised by the civility of the welcome to another part of this country with which I have such an affinity. Somehow the people and the place seem more tranquil and less in your face than their northern cousins other than a freaky Santa trying to force us to dance to a live choral rendition of “Hark the Herald” in the hotel garden. A fine opportunity to embarrass my family but just a wee bit too sober to comply!

With a couple of nights in Cochin we take the inevitable well worn trails around the local sights surprisingly highlighted by a visit to the local dhobikhana – a traditional Indian laundry complete with a team of workers washing the local hotel laundry by hand, sun dried and pressed with ridiculously heavy charcoal fuelled irons. The day was rounded off with a sunset boat trip around the bay which, if you managed to ignore the massive container terminal and ships, focussing instead on the traditional Chinese fishing nets silhouetted against the setting sun, was actually a really lovely end to our day.

We head out to rise into the Western Ghats in typical Formula 1 style but unfortunately for some a little too bendy and nauseating! (Woops Baa! where’s the sick bag!) Why is it that here, overtaking 3 cars and a crowded bus on a blind bend not to mention the sheer drop, raises no more than a smile rather than blind panic it would normally invoke? We rise through the lush banana, pineapple, rubber and spice plantations to reach the higher slopes painted with acre upon acre of pristine hand manicured tea bushes. It is an absolutely stunning sight and the thought of teams of workers perpetually picking over these bushes on steep slopes raises a new level of respect for the humble cup of tea!   

Past Munnar, 6500ft up and a final jeep trip along what used to be a road and is now more a 4-wheel drive gift experience we arrive at an eerily tranquil Camp Noel - thanks Nisha and Tom for advising us to bring some warm clothes! It’s going to be a cold one!! - BUT we’ve got a very spicy curry round a log fire - Magic!