Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE OUT THERE FROM THE BIG PARTY IN BOOZE FREE GUJARAT WATCHING THE TELLY!!

Udaipur to Mount Abu

It's my turn again. So having happily allowed my family to hijack my blog two things have upset me.

1 – out of all the photos I have posted on FLICKR the one that has been picked out by a stranger as "outstanding" was one of Tina's – TYPICAL! When will the world (not just my big sister) realise just how talented I am?

2 – my children's afluenza continues to infect their view on this little adventure and is keeping it on a rather negative note which does not appear to be swayed by my constant lectures on positive thinking and reassurance that one day they will indeed thank us for taking them out of their far too comfortable zone.

One thing that overshadows any negativity is the fact that despite the fact I am the only one of the party who doesn't have a single Indian gene, I am the only one that hasn't suffered the ubiquitous Indian traveller's watery bottom. SMUG?! It may only be a matter of time. There was a close call in Udaipur where I thought there was going to be another one of my infamous outdoor toileting stories but this time off the back of a tourist boat with the pristine white of the Lake Palace Hotel as a back drop. Fortunately despite the waves of desire of faecal release I bravely hung on to my pride as well as my load!

So Udaipur was amazing. Out hotel room overlooked the "Lake Palace" made famous by 007, another Indian site outstripped in real life by any image. Watching the lake and palace change colour through sunset and then sunrise from our bedroom window was just the best.

Our dusty 6 hour drive out of the grey atmosphere of the Rajasthani plains into the relative clarity of Mount Abu was as entertaining as always with the road randomly alternating between half constructed 4 lane motorway to single track road with the usual assortment of vehicles of diesel belching trucks, buffalo drawn wooden wheeled carts and camels ridden by extras from Lawrence of Arabia. Touched by the grin of a 4 year old dusty son of a roadside "Chi Wala" as he takes an apple offered by Tina's mum and holds on to it with a prized expression, the apple becoming an exaggerated red in his hands.

A final one and a half hour gut wrenching 5000ft climb sees us reach our next destination. A petrol stop in Mount Abu makes me laugh as I spot a stall across the road with a massive sign extolling the virtues of Haig's Scotch Whiskey an unexpected Indian shrine to the sale of our national drink. Our hotel is not quite the 5* luxury enclave we have been spoiled with recently but I for one am pleased to be getting a little more authenticity into our trip and greatly enjoy that there is not much to do here except enjoy the clear air and cool temperatures. The kids once they got over that there was no free Wi-Fi connection to the internet settled into some more wholesome entertainment like a simple game of cards in the sun on the lawn with our Punjabi driver Ram Singh. OK so it's not authentic at all because during the game of cards I feel like I'm part of the great British Raj as we are being shadowed by the ever attendant and attentive staff serving us hand and foot.

As we set off on our morning tour with our local (completely toothless!) guide in our bus adorned with Hindu gods, a DVD blasting Hindu devotional songs and taken to a multitude of Hindu and Jain temples that it strikes me that back home the Christian equivalent would be making me little nervous that I was being kidnapped by some crazy "happy clappy" sect intent on converting my godless beliefs. Indian society, young and old, rich and poor is totally pervaded and infused with its seemingly infinite number of religious beliefs – there are at least 330 million different Hindu Gods alone and it leaves me both impressed and mystified.

The day is rounded off by taking up the suggestion of the guide to visit "Sunset Point" to, surprisingly, see the sunset. This sets off visions of a family moment in a remote and secluded spot to enjoy the spiritual purity of the setting a glorious Indian Sun. The brakes of the bus brings my imagination to a rather abrupt reality check THIS IS INDIA!!!!! Our family moment was to be shared by 10,000 others all heading for the same spot en masse in usual Indian style either on foot or horseback or uniquely to Mt Abu on glorified baggage trolleys made all the more hilarious because invariably the baggage are the horizontally challenged more affluent Indian middle class and the handlers are the skin and bone of the not so affluent. So as we all jostle for position and photograph wild monkeys feeding on street food shared by the crowd, I slowly realise that I'm the only "whitey" present and I too become part of the entertainment complying to polite requests of photos with random familly groups but to offers of a share of the same fantastic street food, fears of toilet terror tempers my appetite. As the sunset comes we are greatly amused by our guide who insists on an unnecessary running commentary "first it vill be yellow and den it vill be orange and den it vill be red and den it vill be finish" very difficult to stiffle a giggle into a polite smile. Of course no one mentions that this phenomenon is made all the more vivid by the pollution rising from the valley bellow but who cares, the anarchy makes its way back down to the town and we are off to eat and to bed.

Tina's Thoughts

Having such an amazing time in India. So full of contradictions, from its wealthy grandeur, to its appalling poverty, and the calmness and serenity of the people to its shambolic and chaotic streets. As our tour guide said, there is only ONE rule on the roads and that is “there are NO rules”! You truly have to experience it to know it and wonder at the fact that it actually functions, and well at that! Very few minor accidents were witnessed, though our hearts are frequently in our mouths on a daily basis at our seemingly near misses. You could put our driver in our minivan on a formula 1 circuit and Lewis Hamilton would have no chance!

It’s a real rollercoaster of emotions here- truly stunning sights, noise, smell, lack of personal space, annoying persistence of hawkers, constantly being ripped off, long and arduous journeys, beautiful guilt instilling hotels, daily sounds of my family’s expulsive diarrhoea in the bathroom (sorry, too much information!) and all with a constant sound track of Kiran being “sick of it” (not YET literally) and Carla weeping and wishing she was back in her beloved Milngavie!

Having expected a spiritual journey here with Mum, Dad, Gordon and the kids, it’s fast turning out to be like a chapter from Gerald Durrell’s book “ My Family and other animals”. UNFORGETTABLE was Kiran’s appalled face when a splat of ejected snotter from a “native” landed on his jeans! Also Kim’s revulsion at finding some “brown, smelly stuff” on her sandals after emerging from a hole in the ground toilet! And Carla’s vomiting into a napkin at breakfast and down my arm in a crowded room whilst trying to manoeuvre her to the nearest toilet to minimise her trail of vomit!

The kids are still managing to have a laugh and giggle at each other’s misfortunes, and together, listening to my parents inappropriately burping and farting their way around India! as well as their oddities and endearing nature. Gordon, as hardy as ever, is leading and organising us through it all, untouched by illness and optimistic as ever-obsessing only over his precious laptop. I feel completely liberated and alive with all this surrounding chaos. All that is left of my OCD ways is my daily underwear count and an irrational fear of running out!

Travelling in India:
· A sense of adventure- NECESSARY
· Paracetamol- ESSENTIAL
· Sharing this experience with my family-PRICELESS!!!



Calling on all family and friends- please take at least a few minutes out of your busy lives (working,ironing,hovering,cleaning etc etc etc) to write and tell me what you are doing-I am missing your news and contact and am dying to hear of a world of order and routine(and that includes the chaotic Warners!)

India from Carla

The Bad Things About India!!!

What I feel about india is it's kind of the opposite of milngavie.It's really smelly, India has millions of people, lots of cars, the people in the cars don't let u cross the road and they don't drive in nice straight lines like other nice countrys, it looks really squiggly and they beeb their horns all the time.Say if u were just about sleeping there would always be somthing that would stop u from sleeping or if u got 2 sleep it would be very uncomfortable.The journeys r the worst though coz they are really long and boring as well.

The Things I Liked About India...

There are some good things about India too .India's "the country of art".Well I liked the elephant ride we all did, it was scary but fun, I liked seeing the Taj Mahal, I liked all the temples, mosques, animals and the things I got. I am surprised that there are many good things here.

"I'M SICK OF IT!!!!!"

Well what can I say? This is a good day to write a blog on as today had ups and downs. From the luxury of our comfortable hotel to nearly being killed on the roads of Jodhpur.

Well it started off brilliantly because after breakfast Carla and Kim were “ill”. So, we got to stay in the hotel for the morning. Dad was the lucky one and got to stay behind with us. The rest of them went to city tour of Jodhpur. I’m more than glad I missed that one. All we did was just sit and watch TV and eventually got into the swimming pool that was, to say the least, baltic.
They arrived back at about twelve and we HAD to go out in the afternoon to see the Bishnoi people while Carla and mum stayed at home (lucky).

Believe me, I usually say a lot of things are rubbish... but this particular afternoon was one of the dullest experiences I have ever had.To start off this adventure, the guy who was meant to be driving us to this village was late. Good start I hear you say? When dad said it was going to be a jeep, I was expecting a big, strong looking vehicle. It wasn’t. It resembled a motorised Rickshaw but was slightly bigger and had four wheels. We got on it and to add to the already abysmal start Dad and I had to bend our heads down it was too small. Many people would have turned back, but we didn’t!!! We went courageously over the worst roads, with dust flying and smog in the air. We eventually got to the holy place of the Bishnoi people. I usually am against “dissing” other people’s religion or religious buildings, however this was basically a really worn down shack with an empty swimming pool beside it. I still don’t know what it was. The guide (whom I also could not understand due to his thick accent and lisp) probably told us but I was too busy in wonder of how this place was holy. There was also a concrete block with sand underneath it that is said to be holy. The guide also told us some very important information that if we were to plant a seed and put it in the sand, under this concrete block, it wouldn’t grow. There were many more vital pieces of information to follow after this!!!Well we had a horrible start, however a slight interest hit me (shock horror) when we visited the house of a Bishnoi family, until the guide started to waffle on about food and seeds. Undoubtedly the highlight of the whole day came when a Bishnoi man pulled out a plastic bag and offered us opium. Before I had the chance to answer, it was quickly rejected by Dad.

Soon after, I was starting to be cheery as I thought we were going back to the hotel but they were short-lived as we had to go see some craftsmen. The first one was a potter. It was pretty amazing how quick and accurate the guy could make a few objects out of a big, unattractive lump of clay. Kim, being as she is, quickly accepted the chance to make something and was unsurprisingly good at it and me being as I am rejected the offer and after got it in the neck from the grandparents. At that point I really can say I was getting sick of it. We also saw a weaver and some printer man. I’m not going to write about them as I have made enough negative comments on just about everything, but I reckon you get the point.

To round the tour off we spent 30 minutes in the freezing cold, inhaling vast amounts of dust. We were also nearly killed about 450 times because of the crazy driving. I cannot grasp why there is no road rules followed by the Indian people. It’s brilliant to watch... not so great to be in.

The very end of the day was great: a filling dinner and watching television in an air conditioned room!

Kims View

Kimmmbee

Yeah. India is great so far. The best part of it are all the animals. =) And I liked to ride on the elephants but they weren't a pretty site from the back. I don't like the Drives. The car is too hot and Smelly. The hotel we are in at the moment isn't very good either... We are spending 7 hours of christmas day traveling to Jodhpur... Yes, in the hot smelly car..... BORING OR WHATT?!

The sites are lovely though. The Taj Mahal and the Pink City were great. I also thought that the Old City was quite good =)

DAD YOUR BLOG IS AVERAGE.

Taj Mahal.

So any guesses where we were today?

How often have you seen pictures of this building?

No picture or superlative could ever do it justice - half a chance with a photo no chance with my grasp of the English language. It is a must do!

For a change I am a little speechless.

Off to Jaipur for a ride on an elephant which as I was pointing out to my wife will probably be malnourished, maltreated and exploited to which she replied "no worse than the people then"! Correct as always.

Thanks for the comments-

L -I just know you are missing the banter! Looking forward to you correcting all my spelling mistakes. Will try and get a video opinion from the sprogs.

G- I hope your mum didn't bully you too much into writing that or did she just write your name just to maintain my over inflated ego.

Anonymous - who are you?

Delhi to Agra

So that touchy feely bit about feeling detached from what is really going on - I have recovered my senses! First of all the headline in the morning paper above and then the first real bit of our Indian road trip from Delhi to Agra.

Picture this 6 hour 175 mile drive from Delhi to Agra.

Take a regular dual carriageway call it a motorway and add the following ingredients:

• hundreds of brightly couloured fully laden fume belching trucks and tankers with "PLEASE HORN" written on the back,


• a multitude of cars driving in random lanes including the hard shoulder that doesn't exist "HORNING",


• swarms of motor rickshaws designed to carry 1 driver and 2 passengers packed with 15 people and baggage (no exageration) "HORNING",


• motor cycles carrying from 1 person to a family of 5 "HORNING",


• cycle rikshaws carrying anything from a couple of passengers to a 10 foot high pile of egg boxes or some other random items for sale,


• finally pedestrians, carts, goats, monkeys, dogs, cows, camels, water buffalo and the odd elephant appearing at random like some insane "playstation game".

This is all tackled at breakneck speed and at any time any one of the above coming down the wrong side of the road straight for you. This all being punctuated by the sound, at high volume, of Vivaldi's 4 seasons on a trumpet coming from the drivers mobile - so yes he is now tackling all of the above with one hand on the wheel having a gab with one of his mates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile Indian life carries on at the side of the road as always - eating, sleeping, working, washing, shaving and pissing!! all with that impenetrable tranquility that they all possess.

Crazily enough I too become tranquil (or resigned)- fall asleep and dream of lunch, some lovely bit of Nan bread and waken up to the realization that I've just chewed a chunk out of my tongue.

So we arrive safely in Agra to escape (with a little bit of guilt) to our hotel (palace actually! OK a big bit of guilt!!) and then on to the Red Fort. Up early in the morning for the Taj sunrise tour.
I LOVE IT ALL!

(Thank you Dove* for being my sole reader!)

Delhi

CHAOS? OH MY GOD!!!!! YES!!!!
The city is pretty much as I remember 16million people in your face all at once. On the street everything happens - sleeping, working, cooking, eating, shaving, washing and pissing acompanied by a soundtrack of honking horns and blanketed in a smog. However you can't fail to be impressed by the tranquility of the population despite the urban intensity.

This city is has is share of amazing sites and we have had a very efficient summary of all the Delhi standards but the highlight for me was Akshardham a jaw droppingly stunning Hindu temple tainted slightly by its "Bollywood" wrapping. Shame we weren't allowed to take photos!!


Adding a little luxury this time round has its upsides but a loss of spontaneity leaves a feeling of detachement which we intend to remedy.

Glasgow to Dehli

Slightly tense start to the day packing, tidying and herding the kids to and from school hoping the attendance officer doesn't arrest us as we take the kids out of school early!



Weather forcast for Delhi is rain and we don't have any packing space for raincoats - should raise a smile from everyone who was expressing envy of a warm and sunny holiday at Christmas.



Will we forget anything? I doubt it - anally retentive list printed and double checked. Including full first aid and pharmaceutical kit, vomit bags, imodium, and packs of wet wipes for impeccable bottom hygiene should we perchance suffer a bout of the not so anally retentive!



I have been reasurred that India has come a long way since we last visited but I still expect TOTAL CHAOS!! Can't wait to see how the kids respond to such a foriegn experience.



With a bit of luck will work out how to upload some photos and maybe a video for your viewing pleasure.

My Indian Blog!

All set for the big indian adventure! Blogged for posterity as if anyone is interested other than me!

is anyone out there?